Hello world!
I’m writing this article pretty drunk.
I am sad and it’s about relationship(s).
Ehsggsdgdso, how do you deal with being jealous?
I guess, my low self-confidence makes it much harder.
I had a a few month-lasting (dating) relationship with two guys. There were few problems but let’s state the biggest one – I liked one of the guys much more then the second one. Therefore, it couldn’t last for a long time.
After about 3 months I decided to break up as there was no way I would like to continue in this 3-persons-relationship. I just didn’t want to be in a relationship with the second guy. And I think polygamy in general isn’t really for me.
BUT. I really liked the one guy. But I thought it would be the right decision to break up. And that I would meet other people.
It didn’t turned out as I wished/expected.
The two guys I was in a relationship with (and they had a relationship together before) decided to have an open relationship. It worked out as following: I was meeting with the guy I liked often and I really enjoyed it). I met both of them, it was my comfort zone, but I enjoyed much more to meet with the one. And I really liked him (it wasn’t love but I guess English has no expression between like and love). Whatever. It took about other two months till the last week.
I made a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion I couldn’t continue like this and that I would either like to have a relationship with that one guy or to search for something new. I could’t have a relationship with that guy so I tried to date someone new (my first two tries weren’t successful).
And today, he told me about his date and I got extremely jealous. He told me he came 3 times! (!!!)
And I’m jealous. I feel I shouldn’t have left him. I am really emotional.
As I told him last week I didn’t want anything sexual to happen between us, it was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. I just really wanted to kiss him, hold him and to cuddle. But for the future, there wouldn’t be a way and I felt stuck, not doing anything.
Today he told me about his date and I felt so freaking jealous. Was it a right decision to leave it be? How will I ever find he one I will be happy with?
It’s so hard.
Sometimes I have the feeling to give up and commit a suicide. As there were just no good times in the last years. But then again I feel like it’s just a phase and someone is awaiting me out there.
But again, I have to mention, why is it that hard?! I just hate it that nothing works out as I like. And I’m lonely and feel incompatible with anyone. And I’m wasting my time. And it’s just so frustrating.
When I finally found somebody who likes me and wants to be with me, he has to be involved in a relationship with another guy? Really? F*ck me.
Just a regular sadness-overload.
I wish it to end soon. (without mentioning the way)
Cheers,
Sad Koala and its confessions 